Together, We'll Rule the Universe as Father and Illegitimate Son

Mental Discharge is always looking for talented writers. If you've got a sense of humor that makes family gatherings awkward and need a platform to get your work out in the open, we probably want to publish it. For those interested in joining our ranks with no fear of going down with the ship, here's what we're looking for.

• There is no requirement whatsoever to adhere to political correctness in this space. Our aim is to question established norms and beliefs. You have the liberty to express your thoughts openly, but it isn't necessary to go full Kayne. Mainstream media and social tech platforms have significantly eroded the values of logical thinking, embracing differing perspectives, and the pure pleasure of humor. Our goal is to revive these fundamental principles. Whether you prefer to bring humor, cleverness, or gravity to the table is entirely your choice.

• You must have the brain power of a semi-intelligent human being who actually left an educational institution with a greater amount of knowledge. You don't need to be an English major, but you do need to show you communicate better than a purple-haired fat kid with Aspberger's frothing at the keyboard on a Call of Duty subreddit.

• Content is king. Provide a flow of material that would make a prostate proud in order to earn respect, fame, and very little fortune. Make sure your work can retain the attention span of a world that is currently addicted to copious amounts of Adderall.

• Knowledge in HTML or web development is not necessary. As writer, simply submit your work to the head honcho for review and approval. We'll format it accordingly for the site and try not to sufficate it with too many ads.

To submit an application, write a generalized synopsis of your writing skills, ideas, and how you can contribute to Mental Discharge. Tell us more about you, your background in writing, and share with us something that spawned from the disturbing world that is the inside of your head. Send it to jobs@mentaldischarge.com.

Good luck, tributes! May the odds be in your favor!