Together, We'll Rule the Universe as Father and Illegitimate Son

Mental Discharge is always on the hunt for talented writers. If you've got an unfiltered imagination that makes family gatherings awkward and need a platform to get your work out in the open, we probably want to publish it. For those interested in joining our ranks without fear of going down with the ship, here's what we're looking for:

• We cover popular culture, entertainment, technology, politics, automotive, health, and opinion columns. Social commentary, rants, reviews, and observations enveloped in dry, sarcastic, self-deprecating humor make up the gist of our content. You're welcome to follow our lead or do your own thing.

• There is no requirement to adhere to political correctness in this space. We're never above questioning established norms and beliefs, provided they don't go full Kanye. Mainstream media and social platforms have steadily eroded the value of logical thinking, differing perspectives, and the simple pleasure of having a sense of humor. Our goal is to revive those principles, so whether you prefer to bring laughs, cleverness, or gravity to the table is entirely up to you.

• You don't need to be an English major, but it's helpful to have the brain power of a semi-intelligent human being who actually left an educational institution with a greater amount of knowledge.

• Experience with HTML or web development is not necessary. As writer, simply submit your work for review and approval. We'll format it accordingly for the site and try not to suffocate it with too many ads.

To apply, give us a general synopsis of your writing skills, ideas, and what you can contribute to Mental Discharge. Tell us a little about yourself, your writing background, and share a sample of something that spawned from the disturbing world that is the inside of your head. Send it to jobs@mentaldischarge.com.

Good luck, tributes! May the odds be in your favor!