The Experts' Guide to Political Gaslighting in the Modern Era

You've been in office for a while, and let's be honest, it isn't going well. You might be presiding over more homeless camps than neighborhoods, perhaps Tehran paves nicer streets than you do, or maybe you're bitter that the First Partner's coat still reeks of Harvey Weinstein's cologne. Don't worry. You're not here to fix the damage, you're here to rebrand it. With some well-timed deflection, expertly misplaced blame, and a firm denial of your constituents' own eyes and ears, public outrage can be dismissed faster than expired vehicle tags.

Welcome to the thrilling world of 21st century governance, where what is probably isn't and what isn't most likely is. Whether you're a mayor trying to explain budget shortfalls to taxpayers in a city flooded with illegals or the governor of a state literally building billion-dollar bridges to nowhere, this foolproof guide to political gaslighting will have unemployed voters eating it up faster than your intern can turn off replies. With tips and tricks from actual experts, the only thing that will matter when your career inevitably goes up in flames is just how good the embers smell.

Everything is fine. Say it again. Louder.

The first step in establishing narrative control as chaos reigns supreme is to declare events aren't actually happening—firmly and repeatedly. So what if there's viral footage that clearly contradicts your assessment of the situation? Who cares if your point can't hold up to undeniable evidence that suggests otherwise? If you say it isn't so enough times, you can manipulate those with the limited intellect that got you elected to continue doubting their own reality.

Democracy is always at stake!

If the usual gaslighting tactics aren't quite galvanizing the hammer to go along with your sickle, you've got another option. Just pivot to the ultimate political panic button: "Democracy is at stake." Nothing strikes fear into a vaccine-injured heart like the thought of getting up before noon and succumbing to reason. Turn yourself into a firewall that protects against critical thinking by framing criticism as an attack on the republic itself. Anyone who disagrees can quickly be labeled as a threat to the freedom you've worked so hard to diminish.

If all else fails, just blame Trump.

When talking points have become stale and your inaction is causing reaction, use the oldest trick in the book by simply blaming Trump. It doesn't matter if the issue predates him or has anything to do with him at all; invoking the Orange Man's name is political duct tape.

Have looters made Walgreens finally throw in the towel and abandon your state? It's Trump's fault. Are container ships inexplicably veering off course and plowing themselves into bridges? That's Trump's fault. Did DNA testing reveal your ancestors once had a vast plantation empire that prospered due to an incredibly strong and committed workforce? That's definitely Trump's fault. Blaming Trump is the perfect means of distraction to shift dissent to a man hellbent on feeding half your voting base to alligators.

Today's political gaslighting is an art form built on these three sacred pillars. No matter how many jokes are made about banging a Chinese spy, how many memes flood social media about repeatedly falling up a flight of stairs, or how often people mock the sanctity of marriage to one's own brother, you've still got a job to not do. Smile through disaster, frame every critique as a threat to the republic, and keep Trump's name on standby like a conveniently placed palette of bricks.