Call of Duty Thinks You're Too Retarded to Handle Foul Language

The art of talking heaps of smack is an essential component of any rivalry. It can boost adrenaline levels and foster solidarity by creating a shared language that adds a layer of excitement through taunts and comebacks. The tradition of verbally shitting on your opponent is a testament to the importance of psychological warfare, where the response to an earlier announcement that your enemy had your mom last night is justified by calling him a homo.

Competition is rooted in our evolution and dates back to the earliest of human societies. Ancient civilizations saw men battling in various arenas, from sports and games to intellectual pursuits and the expansion of nations. It was epitomized in the Olympics of ancient Greece and has been a driving force behind scores of advancements throughout history. The goal to win at any cost was harsh, raw, and unforgiving. Wimps weren't invited.

Today, competition has been dumbed down to the lowest common denominator. Your weapons are a crusty headset, a gaming chair soaked in swamp ass, an underpowered PC you did a terrible job building, and a dozen cans of Mountain Dew Game Fuel. The arena is Activision's Call of Duty franchise, an assortment of battlegrounds ranging from shipping containers to cartel safehouses that have been abused more than a Kirby pillow. Each tournament pits neckbeards against autists in a warfare competition that obliterates body parts and egos, ending in proclamation the other guy eats bussy.

Come November, though, Activision is going to step in to make the game much safer for players. No, the violence isn't going to be toned down or the ammunition replaced with glitter and rainbows. Instead, voice chats will be subject to recording and analysis by an AI service. The technology, called ToxMod, will identify and forward flagged audio to an "anti-toxicity team." The next time you call someone garbage or decide to dip into your vast collection of antisemitic insults after getting no-scoped, you might be handed a suspension or ban.

If George Carlin were alive, this would have easily made his list of things contributing to pussification of society. Call of Duty thinks its players are too inept to simply block someone they don't want to listen to or mute voice chat entirely, two features already present in the game. Moreover, trading oral diarrhea while mowing down an entire team with the Juggernaut is practically the only reason you even bother playing.

This leads to the disconnect between Activision and its player community, underscoring the growing contempt video game publishers hold for their customers. Adolescent teenagers angrily calling everyone faggots have brought a critical dimension of intense competition to video games for years. However, despite Activision affirming "trash-talk" and friendly banter, they intentionally omit defining these goalposts. Ultimately, ToxMod is in place to promote an equity-focused narrative that sucks the joy out of trolling complete strangers who will forget you even exist the following day. Behind the scenes, it's collecting data that will most likely be leveraged against you elsewhere.

There is a notable contradiction here as well. Players are now required to restrain offensive language while simultaneously being offered the opportunity to embody real-life people, such as rappers Nicki Minaj and Snoop Dogg. These iconic artists gained fame by employing provocative lyrics in their music that frequently challenged authority. Earlier this year, Call of Duty secured licenses to incorporate their likenesses and voices into the game. So, while you're running around the Breenbergh Hotel shooting bitch ass motherfucking police, be mindful not to blurt out that you've got a super soaker pussy that pops like Coca-Cola.

Call of Duty doesn't really care about hate speech any more than it cares about diversity, equity, or inclusivity. Activision is justifying their bottom line with a third-party censorship product endlessly spying on everyone, likely inherited at the behest of a fat, blue-haired marketing graduate needing that last bonus check to finalize getting the tissue of her forearm turned into a dick. This is probably the same person who was happy to offer nearly two-dozen pride flag banners in the game as profile accessories for free, but rocking a long stream of pink hair as Harajuku Barbie or playing as the talent behind 1993's legendary rap album Doggystyle literally requires the purchase of black people.

Engaging in a fierce firefight aboard a rusty cargo ship in the pouring rain while accusing the opposing team of using aimbots through horribly racist tirades represents the true, unadulterated expression of competition. The frantic cries getting picked up by a headset capturing three generations of family, the heavy breathing piping through beard hair littered with crumbs, and the 12-year-old kid left home alone referring to the other team as super dark chocolate will always remain an integral part of Call of Duty.