The Curious Case of Ingesting Ivermectin

The unforgiving world of social media went completely insane when Joe Rogan recorded a video admitting he enjoyed a tasty cocktail that included ivermectin to treat his COVID-19 symptoms. Even though it didn't help him grow his hair back or give him a couple extra inches to get on carnival rides, it did make quick work of his case of the coof. The famous podcaster was back to juggling kettlebells and snorting lines of DMT the following day.

People weren't exactly thrilled to hear of Rogan's recovery. Angry media personalities and the grey-haired Subaru owners who follow them were outraged, commenting that his concoction was exclusively formulated for horse deworming. As such, he should've eaten shit and died for not eating shit and dying.

Rogan's continued existence flew in the face of fake news; one particular story coming from an ER doc claiming rural folks were overdosing on the infamous horse paste. The resulting hospitalizations climbed to such a degree that a swath of gunshot victims couldn't get medical care in a town with a population smaller than a camp full of illegals under a Texas bridge. To the surprise of anybody with the IQ of a dilation rod, the story was quickly debunked and proven to be a lie, but that didn't stop bitter lesbians and the black women who hate them from continuing to push it on their fledgling cable news shows.

Despite a human version of the drug and its long-established track record of safely treating billions of individuals with ailments ranging from parasites to inflammatory viral infections, the conceited masses firmly attached to the supple teats of Jack Dorsey and Mark Zuckerberg have vehemently refused to explore Mr. Ed's medicine cabinet. These defiant, arm-chair pundits believe that medications can't treat more than one ailment, humans and animals don't share drugs, and Coke Zero isn't as gay as Diet Coke.

The jury is still out in some circles of ivermectin's efficacy against COVID-19, but many studies remain underway. Still, its instant rejection is swifter than facial tattoos at a job interview. Whether people fear the fate that ended Seabiscuit or object adding another tablet to a mountain of diabetes medications, the anti-ivermectin bandwagon remains strong. Everyone is welcome from irrelevant music magazines with zero credibility to hunky Instagram doctors demanding society mask up unless you're on a boat in Miami about to plow a half-dozen whores.

A double standard exists when the barn door is closed on ivermectin's touted versatility. Karens across the world committed to a diet rich in benzodiazepines resent Joe Rogan's rapid return to health, but the irony is ultimately lost on them. Their cocktail of Xanax and Ambien helps them sleep at night, but also provides the dual-purpose utility of compartmentalizing the painful reality that their loving husbands are banging other women.

Finally, there is the science; a method of proving or disproving hypotheses through testing and observation that should easily end this debate. However, this practice is now a weapon used by media elites to criticize those who wish to actually see it in action. Today, the desire to apply the scientific process to ivermectin clearly indicates you're a homophobic race-baiting Trump supporter who jerked off twice on January 6th into a folded United States flag. Put on your tinfoil hat and stick your head into a microwave, bigot.

Even though the world is opening up to challenging many of the conventional wisdoms of medicine, ivermectin remains the latest victim of cancel culture. Even if its later determined that it has absolutely no impact against COVID-19 and only allowed patients to familiarize themselves with aisle nine at Tractor Supply, no kidney stone should ever be left unturned.