Dr. Fauci Is the Scientist From The Dark Crystal

Scholars may debate whether it was Mark Twain or Lord Byron who first coined the phrase "truth is stranger than fiction," but it perfectly describes the 1982 fantasy adventure film The Dark Crystal. Jim Henson's story of puppets fighting evil to bring balance to the world parallels the chaos in today's headlines with exacting detail. The recently washed fabric of my underwear is in mortal danger at the notion Jim Henson was able to write about our current state of affairs because he was a time traveler from the future.

Think about it. The story of The Dark Crystal pits Jen, a young Gelfling and the last remnant of a once-proud, free civilization, against the tyrannical Skeksis in the fantasy world of Thra. Who would name a fantasy world Thra in the 1980's and have an effeminate dude who can't grow a beard named Jen living in it? Someone who grew up with words like "totes" and "adorbs" would, that's who.

The only plausible explanation is that Jim Henson must have been a Gen Xer, perhaps even a Millennial, who grew up amidst the mayhem we face today. He discovered time travel, journeyed back to the past, and built a career as a storyteller to warn us of our impending doom.

So, grab your wetsuits, conspiracy theory fans, because we're about to do some diving.

Just like our current political class, the Skeksis have a seething ambition for self-interest and an unquenchable thirst for power. The Dark Crystal keeps that thirst in check, not unlike the tenets of free speech, limits to authority, and the dissemination of information. However, it's been cracked wide open, spewing lies, clickbait, and fake news while a suppression machine and its gatekeepers allow nobody to question it. It helps the Skeksis retain their authority much like Twitter, Facebook, and the mainstream media help Brian Stelter maintain relevance. By challenging them to take on an autist protagonist who has been silenced his entire life, you have all the ingredients for an insanely accurate depiction of today's world.

After the opening credits, we're shown the Skeksis surrounding their emperor in his private chamber, waiting for death to arrive so that one of them can usurp his power. Their impatient cries bear an uncanny resemblance to the cantankerous shrieking of Nancy Pelosi, each drooling at the opportunity to seize an ornate staff that lies next to their dying leader. The emperor desperately holds onto it, choking through his final breaths with the incoherence and exhaustion of a Joe Biden speech. It's a scene that could replace the looming heirs portrayed as lizard monsters with the likes of Soros, Trudeau, Gates, or Schwab.

Jen must travel through the various landscapes of Thra and reach the Dark Crystal to adjoin a shard he has acquired, restoring balance and purging the evil Skeksis. Among the many crystal remnants that exist, only the one True Shard can be used to heal the Dark Crystal. In our current dystopia where Jim Henson originated, shard technology is the representation of the common USB flash drive. This shard likely symbolized VAERS data, censored medical studies, and links to falsely debunked independent journalism posted on social media platforms. It's all starting to make sense!

Jen is later joined by Kira, another Gelfling who was forced to remain hidden beneath the shadows. She is a stark reminder of those today who must rise above the mutiny of society to restore truth and transparency. This was Jim trying to tell us how to deal with fact checkers, cancel culture, and disinformation four decades ago. Not even a George Floyd home video goes this deep.

Throughout Jen's adventure, he encounters characters such as Aughra, an oracle living in an observatory who signifies the podcast musings of Joe Rogan. Jen must also contend with flying Crystal Bats, deployed to track and locate him, representing the eavesdropping tactics of the NSA and FBI with the same creepy disposition of the people they employ.

It gets crazier. Jim Henson included imagery that clearly exposes the violence of Antifa and Black Lives Matter. The Arathim, a spider-like race that are sent by the Skeksis to plunder and destroy everything in their wake, mindlessly ruin the lives of innocent Podlings to maintain the status quo. It echoed the decline of society in 2020 while people were still rocking to Billy Idol's "Hot in the City."

As Jen and Kira draw closer to the Castle of the Crystal, we are introduced to one of its most vile residents: skekTek, the Scientist. Obsessed with extending the lives of the Skeksis, he has devised a method of extracting life force from Podlings and other creatures. His ominous laboratory is cluttered with tables and shelves covered in vials, books, mortar bowls, and strange instruments, while cages lining the walls hold captured animals and victims awaiting his next nefarious experiment. Who does this psychopath remind you of?

No, nobody closed a window. The sudden lack of a breeze was from your butthole puckering shut at the realization that Jim Henson based this horrendous fiend on the malevolent exploits of Dr. Anthony Fauci. It couldn't be more obvious!

The relentless desire to wield power, the horrifying medical trials on innocent children, the erect nipples from torturing dogs, and the fabrication of AIDS information? They are all on display here. You can dust off an old VHS copy and still see the connections. Jim Henson was not only showing us footage of the Wuhan Lab, but a biopic of Fauci's entire career. Quick! Somebody send the 4K Blu-ray Anniversary Edition to Rand Paul!

Alright, let's take a deep breath and calm ourselves down before someone has a vaccine-induced heart attack. The good news is there is light at the end of this terrifying tunnel. Jim Henson cautioned us about a nightmare we're convinced we can't wake up from, but the movie's ending should tell us what is yet to come. After all, Jen and Kira are able to defeat the Skeksis by putting the shard back into the crystal. Jim Henson has been spot-on so far, so if his movie continues to play out as our reality is today, it's only a matter of time before Fauci succumbs to a mauling by Beagles.

Jim Henson died in 1990, likely a victim of the very laboratory science hauntingly revealed in his movie. Despite being trapped in the past and unable to return to the present, we can still take comfort in his artistic integrity. Should tyranny strike again, his puppets and the stories they tell are guides to critical philosophical and moral issues we can derive solutions from.

Henson's next movie credit was 1983's Big Bird in China and now we're dealing with troubles from the CCP. Do you still have your wetsuit on?